Living in an alcoholic relationship – the adventure of a lifetime.
The Alcoholic Relationship
You may think that I am crazy or being sarcastic by saying that being in an alcoholic relationship is an adventure of a lifetime but hear me out for the next few minutes and you may understand where I am coming from.
First of all, “hi my name is Yamil and I have been surrounded by alcoholics my whole life”. My mom married an alcoholic, then a marijuana user and then a heroin addict. Thankfully I stopped after my first alcoholic husband but it took me years working my Alanon program for me to break the cycle.
To me. an adventure is something that you experience that changes you forever. Most people think adventures are 100% fun but to me an adventure is when you commit yourself to an experience where danger exists. You know it’s there, you can feel it with every nerve ending in your body, but you plunge ahead anyway.
Living an alcoholic relationship is one of those adventures.
Being in love with an alcoholic person is not all bad, which is why it’s so hard to quit when it turns ugly. Looking bad at my own experience I now find it hard to remember the good times but I know there were there, especially after he sobered up and felt bad. That’s when the flowers came in, the dinners and even money.
One of the good things about being in a relationship with an alcoholic is that life never gets boring. You may be able to recognize the triggers that cause a binge but you will also be surprised many times.
The hardest part for me was letting go of the notion that I could predict the binges or control them.
Because that’s what we do when we love an alcoholic; somehow we become their mothers, counselors, nurses and doctors. Somehow we believe that we can save them from themselves; that we have the antidote or that if they loved us enough they would quit.
Being in love with an alcoholic showed me how strong and resilient I can be, also how gullible and an idiot I am when I fall in love.
But nothing is harder than watching my niece fall in the same pattern as my mom and I.
She is only 19 and in love with an alcoholic.
Just yesterday she told me that she is moving to an apartment but told him that he could not live with her yet, at least until 5 months…
Why would she do that? – the alcoholic relationship dilemma
Because she thinks that by giving him a “deadline” he will be motivated to stop drinking.
What she does not understand, (and most people that live an alcoholic relationship do not understand) is that there is absolutely nothing she can do to motivate him to stop. Nobody can control an alcoholic, no one can motivate him or her to stop.
Controlling an alcoholic is like controlling water. You can contain it, but when it spills all you can do is clean it up, or let it be spilled and let someone else clean it up.
However being in an alcoholic relationship triggers so many ups and downs it’s like being in the scariest roller coaster of your life; you are scared to get on it, will swear never to get back on it but getting back on the line anyway.