I so wish the judge that denied my petition for an injunction realizes the mistake he made. “Maybe He Doesn’t Hit You” needs to be understood by every single judge, law enforcement personnel, attorneys, and anyone involved in the advocacy for the abused.
It took me 5 years of group therapy and working with a sponsor to let go of my guilt over finally leaving his ass. Have you ever heard co-dependency? Yeah that’s my name. I was so sick “in love” with him that no matter how badly he treated me he could always make me come back to his arms.
What many people do not understand is that it’s not always bad. It’s a goddamn roller coaster that you just don’t know how to get out because it does not stop. And when it does stop (usually because the abuser got tired of playing with you and moved on to another victim) we beg and beg and plead to get back on the fucking ride.
Why do we stay?
Because we are co-dependents. #MaybeHeDoesn’tHitYou It’s right on. The writer Suzannah Weiss hit it in the nail when she says that people does not understand that abuse it’s not always physical.
Out of Control Verbal Abuse
Per a report published by the CDC nearly 50% of women have endured verbal abuse in what are supposed to be loving relationships. The sad part is that many times we do not even recognize that we’ve been abused. I personally was verbally abused every time my ex would get drunk and high on cocaine. Then the next day he had a bad hang over so we stayed away from each other – me trying to live my life and him watching my reaction to see if I was going to go off on him. During the third day when he realized I was pretty much ignoring him he would invite me to eat, buy me flowers even take me on shopping spree. By the end of the third day I felt completely confused and thought “maybe I overreacted by getting so upset”.
Passive aggressiveness – A way of life!
By the way, I would be mad as hell but most of the times I would not show it. I would do fucked up things like going through his pockets while he was passed out and taking every single penny left after a night of partying. Then I would spend the money on our kids while he was hanged over at home or working. Most of the time he was so passed out he even pooped in his pants – yeah totally gross!!!
Finally – Freedom
It took me working on the 12 steps program of ALANON to learn new coping skills and eventually leave the hell I was in. After the judge denied me the injuction I checked my 4 kids and myself into hotel “Safeplace”. For three months we lived there until a family court judge finally agreed it was time for him to go and for me and my kids to come back home.
Again, just because #maybehedoesnthityou it does not mean that anyone should keep putting up with anyone’s bullshit.