How to Speed Up Emotional Healing

Emotional Healing: How to Speed it Up

Many times when we go through a very emotional phase in our life as a child or adult we adopt mechanisms that protects us from feeling the pain.

When children go through trauma many times those memories are blocked by the natural influx of fresh information. Their developing brains cannot handle the old data and the new data because of it’s growing rate.


As adults, we don’t have this issue however we tend to attempt to bury the pain through ingesting drugs (legal and not legal), alcohol or saving the memories and then using it against another person (sometimes intentionally many times not intentionally).

We see this repeatedly in couples that get marry to a new spouse after ending a bad marriage. Many ex=spouses engaging in new relationships carry the pain and hurt from past relationships in their new partnerships, causing unnecessary tension and issues with the new innocent party.

One of the recommendations is dealing with the pain through individual therapy. Also remaining open to the possibility that it is us causing the problems and taking responsibility for any hurt we are causing to our new partner.

The worst thing we can do is act like everything is ok and just attempt to bury the pain under the rug, until it shows it’s ugly head again.

For example, a nice man in it’s late 40’s remarries a younger woman who occasionally needs to travel for business. Their relationship is pretty great until the topic of her need to travel for business comes up. As the time approaches he gets more tense, stops talking to everyone at home, pretty much locks himself in their bedroom evening until the next morning when he goes to work.

He feels threatened and fearful of losing his new wife but he is terrified. Why? Looking at his past marriage we find out that his previous wife was a nurse and worked the evening shift. They spent many hours separately. He took care of their children while she worked and when she came home he went to work.

Their conflicting work schedules most likely caused the drift in their marriage. He felt abandoned and alone.

Unfortunately his new wife’s travel needs triggers the fears and pain from his past relationship and creates a whole new set of issues in his current marriage.

The new wife is placed in a difficult position where she has to choose between his emotional well being and her career. Until he is able to address this issue and heal from it, she is stuck in the turmoil of his past.


The best way to heal from this type of trauma is by facing it head on. Talking about it may turn a difficult task but it’s absolutely necessary. Finding a couple therapist may also be helpful and speed up the healing process.

Unfortunately if issues are not addressed and improved divorce may be the final destination.



How to Bond with the Little Ones at Christmas

Just like any other holiday, Christmas can be an awesome day to bond with the kids and family. Although this can be challenging, with proper planning and a set of activities, it can be an enjoyable time for you and the little ones. Remember, keeping the kids busy during this period can be hard since most of them are restless. Here are some of the best ways to bond with them at Christmas.

Take trips

Instead of sitting around the house you can choose to take field trips to museums, parks and other places that you feel will interest the little ones. You may also play in the snow during winter. Just be sure to wear your habit de neige chaud par Gusti. To make the trips more enjoyable, pack some snacks and drinks that you can take when you are out. Doing this will not only make their day enjoyable but they will also learn a lot.


After being in school for some time, kids need some time to relax. One of the best ways to do this is to decorate. But why do we do this? Christmas is a time that reminds people about the birth of Jesus, hence you can use decorations to signify his life while on earth. Apart from the angels, stars, and other things, you can use unique decorations to beautify your Christmas tree at home.

Watch a movie together

Nowadays, there are many good movies that depict the birth and life of Jesus. By watching these movies, you will put the whole celebration into perspective and the children will see it in the same light. This can also be the best time to share with them the true meaning of Christmas and why Jesus Christ came as a child.

Share stories with them

Have you ever shared stories about Christ with little ones? While you are together with the children during Christmas, you can take the time to share with them many stories about the Christ. You may also reflect together with them how the year was and what they intend to do to improve.

Take a photo with Santa

If you are looking for something memorable, then taking a photo is one of the best things to do. Some children may not like the idea, but it’s a great way to remember the future. The best way to do it is to use the same Santa so that the little ones can always remind themselves of how they are growing. Also, let’s hope that Santa also brought some hot snowsuits by gusti for the kids.

Well, those are some of the best ways to bond during Christmas. You can select the best ones based on what the children like and what will make the occasion much more enjoyable. Go ahead and enjoy your Christmas with the little ones!

Moving Forward When Your Heart Is Broken


How to Move on When Your Heart is Broken

Divorce can leave you heartbroken. When it happened, you may feel as if something as sharp as a needle has pinched your heart. You could felt let down and wish you could do something to save it. Heartbreaking experiences happen all the time, and the important thing is to move on immediately. If you have been heartbroken, how can you move on quickly? Let us see.

Accept the situation

The first step toward healing your heart is to accept the situation. Accept that pain has to come because if you love someone enough to be heartbroken, the pain will be part of what you will experience. You need to break the circle of painful memories and do not dwell on them. This is not belittling the level of your pain; rather you do not have to dwell on it so much that the pain becomes unhealthy.

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Change your thought and habit

You need to change your view first if you want to move immediately on after a sad experience like divorce. Changing the way you think is about developing a different way of perception. If you are finding it terribly difficult to come to grasp with the end of your relationship, you may need to change how you think. Desist from seeing it as the end of your happiness. Rather, think of it as a challenge that presents opportunities for you

You also need to change your habit. Anything you do that reminds you of your ex should be discarded. If it is some kind of music that reminds you of your ex, you need to do away with them. Changing your environment will help as well.

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Do some workouts

Exercise is a good remedy for depression and can help to heal your pain. When you practice daily exercise, it not only refreshes you but also takes your mind away from your past. With exercise, you can get over your pain quickly.

Be of help to someone else

Do not just focus on your feeling, look out for opportunities to help other having similar heartbreak. When you reach out to help another person in a similar situation, it makes light your own pain. By focusing on helping others, you will gradually detach yourself from your painful past.

Open your heart to love again

Do not think that a broken relationship is the end of the world. Be ready and open your heart to love again. It is imperative that you do not isolate yourself from others. Look out for love again, but try to have fun too along the way.


The Grass Is Always Greener on the Other Side or Is It?

Is there any credibility to the saying “the grass is greener on the other side”?

In my experience this is most true. We all feel that we are missing something in life. Especially with social media nowadays.

For example let’s say that you go on a cruise to the Caribbean have a fantastic time. But then see on Facebook your cousin’s posts of her cruise through Europe. Suddenly your heart sinks. Yes, you loved your cruise, had a great time but suddenly you wonder why you didn’t think of going to Europe!

I think that happens in our relationships as well.

When I was married to my ex-alcoholic, drug user husband I wanted a relationship with someone that put me above everyone else. Someone that wanted to spend time with me and did not leave me atIs the grass greener on the other side? home while he would go out and have a great time, always without me.

Well…I found that person

I’ve been married to exactly the opposite of my ex-husband. And while it is an upgrade (think Honda to Cadillac kind of upgrade), I still wonder if the grass really is greener on the other side.

You see, I now feel suffocated!

I know, you may think that I am a stupid, disgraceful woman that does not appreciate a good man; oh wait, that’s what I tell myself!

Perhaps, and this is something that I do not tell others, only here do I feel free enough to write what’s in my heart because I am embarrassed and feel the judgment in my imaginary friend’s faces.

I love my husband dearly and he treats me well but he wants to spend every waking hour (away from his time at work) next to me. Even last night, we have a queen size bed but we might as well have a full size or even a twin size bed. He sleeps next to me most nights. So close his body heat makes me hot and gives me little space to move around.

I need my own space!

Also, I have girlfriends that I like to spend time with and have girl talk however anytime I mention it he makes that face. You know what face right? Showing me that he feels rejected, argh!!!


And trust me if I pay no mind and go grab a cup of coffee with a girlfriend (even at their house, in our same complex) after 30 minutes he will be texting me. I can expect texts like “when are you coming home”, “what’s for dinner, breakfast, etc.”, “do you want me to open up a bottle of wine”, and on and on.

It’s hard and I have no idea how to fix it.

If I find a solution to this issue I promise that I will come back and write it here. Meanwhile, I am grateful for my current life and while the grass is not greener on my past (that’s for sure). I do miss my freedom and ability to have a cup of coffee with someone without feeling guilty.

Till next time!

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“#MaybeHeDoesn’tHitYou – Hashtag goes viral

 “Maybe He Doesn’t Hit You” needs to be understood by every single judge, law enforcement personnel, attorneys, and anyone involved in the advocacy for the abused.

I so wish the judge that denied my petition for an injunction realizes the mistake he made.

It took me 5 years of group therapy and working with a sponsor to let go of my guilt over finally leaving his ass. Have you ever heard co-dependency?

Yeah that’s my name. I was so sick “in love” with him that no matter how badly he treated me he could always make me come back to his arms.

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What many people do not understand is that it’s not always bad. It’s a goddamn roller coaster that you just don’t know how to get  out because it does not stop. And when it does stop (usually because the abuser got tired of playing with you and moved on to another victim) we beg and beg and plead to get back on the fucking ride.

Why do we stay?

Because we are co-dependents. #MaybeHeDoesn’tHitYou It’s right on. The writer Suzannah Weiss hit it in the nail when she says that people does not understand that abuse it’s not always physical.

Out of Control Verbal Abuse

Per a report published by the CDC nearly 50% of women have endured verbal abuse in what are supposed to be loving relationships. The sad part is that many times we do not even recognize that we’ve been abused. I personally was verbally abused every time my ex would get drunk and high on cocaine. Then the next day he had a bad hang over so we stayed away from each other – me trying to live my life and him watching my reaction to see if I was going to go off on him. During the third day when he realized I was pretty much ignoring him he would invite me to eat, buy me flowers even take me on shopping spree. By the end of the third day I felt completely confused and thought “maybe I overreacted by getting so upset”.

Passive aggressiveness – A way of life!

By the way, I would be mad as hell but most of the times I would not show it. I would do fucked up things like going through his pockets while he was passed out and taking every single penny left after a night of partying. Then I would spend the money on our kids while he was hanged over at home or working. Most of the time he was so passed out he even pooped in his pants – yeah totally gross!!!

Finally – Freedom

It took me working on the 12 steps program of ALANON to learn new coping skills and eventually leave the hell I was in. After the judge denied me the injuction I checked my 4 kids and myself into hotel “Safeplace”. For three months we lived there until a family court judge finally agreed it was time for him to go and for me and my kids to come back home.

Again, just because #maybehedoesnthityou it does not mean that anyone should keep putting up with anyone’s bullshit.


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Stopping Emotional Abuse on It’s Tracks

Emotional abuse on adult children still happens in this day in age.

Be Gentle with Yourself - emotional abuseI got a perturbing call today from my cousin. Within minutes of being on the phone she started bawling describing the emotional abuse she was enduring from her mother.

My cousin, is 45 years old.

Receiving Emotional Abuse from an unlikely place

Some people think that emotional abuse is received from bad spouses, bosses or even bad friends. The reality is that a lot of the emotional abuse actually comes from our parents. Even as adult children some parents do not know the damage they are doing to their adult children.

I think most of the cases were going on since childhood but it’s not until adulthood that we are even clear enough to understand that even though our parents hurt us they still love us. It’s strange and contradicting, but it’s all due to immaturity from the parent and what they see to be their role in the life of their adult child.

In my cousin’s case, her issue is her mom’s dislike to her husband. The primary problem is that they live together, a big no-no in my opinion.

In this article 4 reasons why you should not live with your inlaws, their reasons make total sense:

1 – Privacy

2 – Too much familiarity can breed contempt

3 – They’ll expect you to answer to them

4 – Parenting interference

 An important step for my cousin is to find a place for her mother to live separately from her and her husband. But there are a few things I advised her to do before moving day comes.

Simple Steps to Take to Deal with Emotional Abuse

The first thing is for her to understand that while she cannot control her mother she can control her feelings. Just because her mother says hurtful things she does not have to engage in an argument. If she comes home from work and she sees that her mother is upset; I told her to ask her once why she is upset, if she does not answer, say “ok” and keep walking and moving about your business.

Another suggestion I made is to head out the door for a walk if the ambiance is toxic. Sometimes fresh air is all we need to bring our spirits up and let the other person fume in their own poison.

But the most important advice I gave her I think is that she needs to find a way to live separate ways and find a way to filing for divorce in Florida , even if it’s from her own mother.

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The meaning of living a happy life

What does it mean when people tell you to live a “happy life”?

Why living a  happy life matters

She needs a happy lifeI just watched a video today that shook me to the core. It was my high school friend, now a radio show host in Texas, who made a video sharing his pain related to the recent deaths of a few people known by other people close to him. In the video he stressed the need for all of us to live a happy life because you never know when you will no longer be walking above the earth.

Living a happy life by removing obstacles

So many times we get stuck in a rut and forget what is like to live a happy life. We hate the job we have but stay because it pays the bills. Do certain things to please others that harms us or makes us miserable in the end.

Many times we keep people around much longer than we should even though they hurt us or do not allow us to live a happy life.

Taking control of our life and turning things around I think it starts with removing obstacles that does not allow us to reach our goal.

But for some people this is a hard task. Below you will find some easy to implement action steps to get you on track to living the happy life you deserve.

Getting rid of a job you hate

If you hate your job perhaps it’s time to start looking around. Some people I know will not look because they are scared. If they examine their feelings they may find that there is absolutely no reason to be scared. Many of the fears in our head are tools the enemy uses to keep us stuck where he wants us – sad and miserable.

I like to use baby steps when I am scared of doing something new.

First step is to just look at job boards like careerbuilder. Even posting your resume there may give you interesting results. There is no harm done doing this, it may actually open your eyes to what’s possible.

After being comfortable with looking then you may want to apply for positions suitable for you. Even if you never get a phone call or interview. At least you are starting the motion and if you believe in the law of attraction, then the right position at the right company will come along – only because you started moving towards your goals. Faith is important but it may come later for some people.

And finally, when you make it to the interview process it’s important that you like not just your new salary but the company culture and the people you will be working with.

Money does not guarantee a happy life, especially when you spend a lot of time everyday with people you dislike.

Getting rid of toxic people

Toxic people can permeate every type of relationship we have. It could be a close family member, co-workers, boss, friends and (sad to say) even spouses.

Social media can exaggerate this problem.

A healthy habit is to clean up your social media accounts and clean up your contact (or “friend”) list frequently.

Be honest with yourself and go with your instinct when deciding to either disconnect or remain in contact with that person. Obviously you will need to keep some around, that even though you rather remove from your life completely you just can’t; either because they are family or an important business connection.

Use common sense, if possible, at least “unfollow” people that do not bring anything positive to your life and goals. You will still be connected but will not be subject to their negative posts.

Also, look at your social calendar and fill it with events that surround you with positive, uplifting people. Before committing yourself to an event think about how you will feel and if it will add to the happy life you are creating.

Getting rid of a toxic spouse

Hopefully this does not apply to you. But if it does, you are not alone. A recent article posted on brings up 5 steps you can take to  break free of toxic patterns, healing and restoring balance.

In my own experience, getting rid of a toxic spouse brings such a feeling of freedom and a realization that I was not living the happy life that I deserved. But to be honest I did not think that deserved it, I actually thought that it was normal to live with a toxic spouse because from my childhood that’s all I knew. I can’t emphasize how important it is to heal after being with a toxic spouse for many years. You don’t want to bring the baggage and scarring left from a previous toxic relationship to a new relationship. It will only ruin it.

My suggestion is to work on yourself before you decide to file for divorce. Once you are ready to take legal action seek find a Tampa divorce papers coordinator to help you navigate the family court system, complete and notarize the papers and get you divorced with less stress. Hiring a Tampa divorce attorney will be expensive and it might be unnecessary unless there are a lot of assets at stake and your ex is a hurtful person.

Do not allow your toxic husband to steamroll you, seek legal counsel if you are concerned with safety or being taken advantage of.

Summary – Say Yes to a Happy Life

You can have a happy life if you follow the steps above but the most important thing is to expect positive things and people to come your way, everyday. Expect to be blessed beyond belief.

Keep dreaming and aiming higher than you think you can reach…you may shoot for the stars but may reach the moon!

The Alcoholic Relationship

Living in an alcoholic relationship – the adventure of a lifetime.

The Alcoholic Relationship

The Alcoholic Relationship - An AdventureYou may think that I am crazy or being sarcastic by saying that being in an alcoholic relationship is an adventure of a lifetime but hear me out for the next few minutes and you may understand where I am coming from.

First of all, “hi my name is Yamil and I have been surrounded by alcoholics my whole life”.  My mom married an alcoholic, then a marijuana user and then a heroin addict. Thankfully I stopped after my first alcoholic husband but it took me years working my Alanon program for me to break the cycle.

To me. an adventure is something that you experience that changes you forever. Most people think adventures are 100% fun but to me an adventure is when you commit yourself to an experience where danger exists. You know it’s there, you can feel it with every nerve ending in your body, but you plunge ahead anyway.

Living an alcoholic relationship is one of those adventures.

Being in love with an alcoholic person is not all bad, which is why it’s so hard to quit when it turns ugly. Looking bad at my own experience I now find it hard to remember the good times but I know there were there, especially after he sobered up and felt bad. That’s when the flowers came in, the dinners and even money.

One of the good things about being in a relationship with an alcoholic is that life never gets boring. You may be able to recognize the triggers that cause a binge but you will also be surprised many times.

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The hardest part for me was letting go of the notion that I could predict the binges or control them.

Because that’s what we do when we love an alcoholic; somehow we become their mothers, counselors, nurses and doctors. Somehow we believe that we can save them from themselves; that we have the antidote or that if they loved us enough they would quit.

Being in love with an alcoholic showed me how strong and resilient I can be, also how gullible and an idiot I am when I fall in love.

But nothing is harder than watching my niece fall in the same pattern as my mom and I.

She is only 19 and in love with an alcoholic.

Just yesterday she told me that she is moving to an apartment but told him that he could not live with her yet, at least until 5 months…

Why would she do that? – the alcoholic relationship dilemma

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Because she thinks that by giving him a “deadline” he will be motivated to stop drinking.

What she does not understand, (and most people that live an alcoholic relationship do not understand) is that there is absolutely nothing she can do to motivate him to stop. Nobody can control an alcoholic, no one can motivate him or her to stop.

Controlling an alcoholic is like controlling water. You can contain it, but when it spills all you can do is clean it up, or let it be spilled and let someone else clean it up.

However being in an alcoholic relationship triggers so many ups and downs it’s like being in the scariest roller coaster of your life; you are scared to get on it, will swear never to get back on it but getting back on the line anyway.



Christian Life and Faith


What is faith? Faith is not only the foundation of a christian life is the essence of sanity. At least for me.

Faith and Christian LifeMost of us live a modern life, we are surrounded by people that believe that all they need exists within themselves and to a certain degree I believe it’s true.

I was raised born-again-Christian and traditional catholic. I went to a catholic elementary school run by nuns and I loved it. After attending mass my grandmother, our matriarch, took me to her church, an old fashioned small evangelical congregation of 30 people.

At the catholic school I learned about Jesus, Virgin Mary, a handful of saints, the baptism, communion, rosaries and The Lord’s Prayer. At the evangelical church I learned about the bible, praying free-form and faith.

Too Young to Understand Faith

But of course I was too young to understand faith. I don’t think you really know what that is until you go through hardships.

While I had a difficult childhood with alcoholism, violence and abuse running rampant in my home I did not know what it was like to have faith. Being raised in that environment made me a co-dependent at an early age.

The first time I understood faith I was 8 years old, flying back home after my mom failed attempt at leaving my abusive stepfather. I knew in my heart that even though we were heading backwards as a family, we would one day leave again and she would divorce him.

After all, we had tasted freedom for 6 months and it felt heavenly. My mom’s inability to stay away from her abuser did not waiver what I felt. I knew that she would not be able to endure the abuse much longer this time around.

Now as an adult with a family of my own and having endured my own survival, similar as those I endured as a child, I have this unwavering faith and anyone trying to challenge it will get the dark side that lives in me.

I do not tolerate anyone telling me that I am not capable of doing something. I strongly believe that whatever I put my mind to I can accomplish.

  • First – God put that desire in me and I believe blindly.
  • Second – I believe that I can do all things through Christ.
  • Third – Winners do not quit, quitters are not winners

Now that I live in Tampa, Florida if I can teach my 4 girls one thing, it’s that I want them to believe that anything is possible as long as they have faith and do not quit.

Women and Dejection

Dejection and Women

Women and dejection is extremely normal among ladies. Truth be told upwards of one in four ladies are liable to create incessant gloom at any rate once in their lives. Ladies are more than twice as likely as men are to wind up discouraged. Most of the almost 15 million individuals who turn out to be chronically discouraged each year are ladies, and around 2/3 of them don’t look for help for their misery.

Despondency influences everyone in an unexpected way, and the indications can extend from mellow to extreme. It causes the sufferer to have sentiments of vulnerability and misery, pity, and uselessness.

Numerous ladies report that while they are discouraged they are a great deal more prone to lose their craving, experience issues staying unconscious, grow low self-regard, get to be emotionless, and grow poor quality weakness. In the most serious cases they can even get to be self-destructive.

It is most disturbing that ladies are significantly more liable to endeavor to slaughter themselves then men are who are additionally experiencing unending despondency.

Women and Dejection

The motivation behind why ladies are a great deal more inclined to end up discouraged is fluctuated.

Amid pre-adulthood the sadness rates are about equivalent for young men and for young ladies, however around pubescence we begin to see an alternate a critical uniqueness in the sorrow rates.

At pubescence the rates of melancholy get to be around two to one, young lady versus kid.


Numerous specialists trust this is straightforwardly because of the hormone changes that young ladies begin to encounter.

This cycle proceeds all through the lifetime of a female as hormone levels keep on fluctuating through numerous life occasions: pregnancy, quickly taking after conceiving an offspring, menopause, and even the month to month menstrual cycles.

Concerning this later there is even a turmoil called, premenstrual dysphoric issue (PMDD), which commonly the sufferer encounters wretchedness and emotional episodes the prior week feminine cycle to the degree that it meddles with a lady’s capacity to work appropriately in her day by day life.

Women and Dejection is something no one wants to talk about, but we must.

What the Experts Think of Women and Dejection

The National Institutes of Health records a few hereditary, regenerative, and other organic elements that expand a lady’s danger of getting to be discouraged. These can incorporate a family history of enthusiastic issue, a past filled with passionate issue amid the prior conceptive years, losing a guardian before the age of 10.

The absence of a social emotionally supportive network, sexual or physical misuse as a tyke, progressing mental or social stretch, and notwithstanding taking certain prescriptions.

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A few ladies who conceive an offspring create post birth anxiety, and a few ladies experience the ill effects of regular full of feeling issue. There are likewise numerous anxiety considers that ladies encounter just by living that improve the probability of creating despondency, for example, losing an occupation, contending with a life partner, and the anxiety of bringing up kids. Women and Dejection is a hard topic to address with most people.

Ladies who are encountering indications of misery can and ought to look for quick offer assistance. Dejection is a restorative issue and is not something to be humiliated by or embarrassed about, and it can be dealt with.

Ladies ought to look for the assistance of a psychological well-being proficient, who will decide the best type of treatment. Perceiving and recognizing the way that ladies are a great deal more inclined to experience the ill effects of melancholy is a critical initial step to fighting this malady.

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Stories of Love and Pain